if you're not happy with your life, there's no point pretending. everyone can see through the facade. just so you know.
i tried it, and it really didn't work.
as much as you pretend and you fake it, if you're not happy, you're just not happy.
i didn't intend to share this much on such a public profile, but i ended up doing it anyway. so oh well.
i am dissatisfied with life's potential options. i do not agree, i do not wish to comply. and therefore, i will not comply and waste my life.

life is what you make it, so make it fucking amazing.


otherwise, honestly, what is the point?

too little too late.

the title doesn't really mean anything, it's just something i was thinking.
randomly.
so life has been pretty regular. which, believe me, i am not complaining about.
though...
i do wish things were just a bit more exciting.
this weekend should be pretty stoke-enabling, hehe.
i love that you can pretty much make up words as long as you throw a little '-' in there. like remember-able. hehe. i dunno why you wouldn't just say memorable... but still, if you wanted, you could do that.
um... i don't really have anything to write about...
oh!
so this weekend should be pretty fun. kenny wants to head down to san diego for at least part of the weekend, so i'm stoked. i think maybe ben and sj are coming? i dunno for sure.
i have work on sunday but who cares, hehe. i don't. they need to pay me more. i work so hard. but apparently i'm up for a promotion. 'shift leader'. which would be actually really cool, just cause i'd be the the only one, and the cafe manager would be new, so it's basically everyone coming to me when they have questions.
but they do that anyway. which is why i should have more money. hhaha.

well i've got work. same ole same ole.
the drone.
me.

times to decide

i feel like laying low for a while.
this week i have been trying so hard, doing everything i'm supposed to.
and now, as good as i felt, i'm tired. i'm tired of trying SO hard.
other people can try now if they want. i'm passing the torch. everyone, give me a break for a while, yeah? let me sleep, let me work-out and work... oh yah and sleep.

i think i want to leave orange county. i think it's finally time. there is just no progress for me here. i have nothing really here for me anymore besides the people around me. but lately i've felt like i need something more, something that seems so hard to get here. i am constantly debating whether to move across the country, or to move an hour away. wherever i am it'll be completely different than where i am here. and i think that's what i want. i certainly think, but i dunno for sure.
i think i'll have to think about it. a lot. a lot a lot a lot. 
goodbye relaxation.

i feel like turning 21 has changed everything.
i can get the job i want, i can go to the places i want to go and hang out with the people who once seemed so elusive. psh... what a joke that is.
it's about 3 in the morning, and i am exhausted. shauntis is over, breanna is passed out in our room and yasmine and ben are sharing a room again too.
i had so much fun tonight. i mean, it was a little slow to get started, but once it did, it was pretty amazing. even better than last night!
so the day started out with lunch @ my work on me with shauntis and breanna, then we headed to kenny's to do god knows what.
while we were there se-june, ben, tina and vanessa all showed up. we were at kenny's MANSION along with some strange young people we had no interest in getting to know. call it elitist, i call it... we're just much older than a bunch of high schoolers, i can't help it if i care so little of their existence, as they care little for mine.
so then alli came and we escaped to forever 21 where we shopped for a little while before rushing back to kenny's so that shauntis and alli could go to alli's family dinner. i headed over to se-june's myself cause he promised me some of that amazing spicy chicken thing his mom made last time, so i basically had dinner with ben and se-june. i love them. great birthday dinner.
then i left, told ben i'd get them something to drink if they wanted so  i got some shit for them to party with.
got ready, left for kenny's. get there. immediately was offered a drink... got a massage from a magical chair and waited for the arrival of shauntis and alli.
when they finally got there we lagged for about...... i dunno... what seemed like forever, till we finally left! yay!!! bar time!!
i really had been wanting to go to this place called rudy's, but i guess kenny didn't want to wait in the line so we went to some place called the 'district'? i dunno. we had to wait in line for a while but then some guy came up to us and let us in the back door. kenny was a dumb and totally forgot his id so he had to go BACK to his house to get it, but the girls and i just had a few shots and 'kicked it', as they say (i'm hip!)
anyway we all got humped on a little by various guys. one guy told me his friend was a model. doubt it. but whatever it was awesome. i had an amazing time.
picked up my drunk sister and headed home. where i am finally able to rest. we'll see if i go out drinking anytime soon, ever again. i mean, it's fun... but c'mon ya'll... c'mon....

It's my BIRTHDAY!!!!

it's my burfday, it's my burfday, i'm gunna party cause it's my freak BIRTHDAY BITCHES!!!! i'm stoked.

sandwiches for breakfasts

i'm listening to the metric station on pandora radio (GREAT THING IF YOU HAVE NOT DISCOVERED IT). and then 'April 29th, 1992' by sublime came on...

i love pandora radio, but maybe they're stretching it a bit, no?
i hate it even more when because it's a female artist, or singer, they ONLY play other female artists. how annoying is that?
so have you ever tried an asian pear? they are like, half apple, half pear.
i LOVE them, which is funny, because i really dislike red apples with those stupid impossible thick skins. and i really dislike pears cause they get old so quickly and feel dry on the inside.
but the asian pear is the perfect combination of the two. it's really juicy, the skin is easily broken with teeth, and it's fun to eat cause it's not too sweet.
so, my birthday is tomorow. and how ironic 'Free to Stay' by smoosh is on...'today, pretty soon it'll be tomorrow...'
it's true. in only... well i don't want to count the hours, but yes, i was born almost exactly 24 hours and 21 years ago.
my dad figured out that this is my real birth anniversary. i seriously cannot wait, ya'll.
actually... to be honest, i can wait. i mean... don't tell anyone, but i am as much apprehensive about turning 21 as i am excited.

it's a lot of pressure. i am the 1st of my closer friends to turn 21. but i drink so little. the being driven by slightly intoxicated under agers to the liquor store @ 1 am really doesn't sound that appealing to me. call me crazy.
but yeah...

good morning friends.
it's now almost 6:50am.
that's right, am.

i work @ 8 today at barnes and noble cafe, where they pay me little to do my best. nothing against the company, really, i mean they're losing serious money. people try to cheat them everyday and as an effect, they've had to change multiple reasonably policies to completely outrageous ones. like, if someone takes a book from the store then they come to the cafe to return, then they want to use ALL the 50 bucks from the book to buy food from cafe.
sending me and only one other cafe working scrambling to get a bag big enough so that the person isn't carrying around 12 tiny bags full of stale red velvet cake and mushy panini's.
boy, can't wait for work.

but it's alright. the best days start out with the best breakfast.
today for breakfast i just had a blt with turkey bacon, fresh butter leaf lettuce, on the "vine", ripe tomatoes on whole wheat.
yum yum. i'm jealous of myself... that's how good it was.

so my birthday is officially in two days. April 3rd. i was born @ 6:32am in the Scripps Hospital in San Diego, CA. not that interesting. i haven't moved very far from my first touching on earth.
too bad. i had such plans.
i planned to be far away... very far away. like japan. or... africa. i dunno... it was far. it was supposed to be so far.
i have moved up the stream... to orange county. and my next stop was supposed to be la....
next i'm guessing i would have wanted to explore life in washington, or canada even. not that i don't want to do those things. i would love to go to washington and canada. i just wanted to be brave enough to leave everything behind.

well i should probably leave soon. i have to go work 8 hours at the slave factory. hehe. i know i shouldn't use references like that, but it's just so... hard not to. :)


plus it's way funnier to use those references.