Wandering Minds

gahh...

i hate to make my dad cry.
i don't know where it comes from. he just starts crying, about something between us.
i never know what to do, it just makes me cry back.
so then we're sitting there, both crying, and i'm trying to comfort him, and i feel helpless.
my dad is one of the most amazing people i know.
he's also one of the most stubborn, one of the most juvenile, but he still remains at the top of the amazing people i know.
he's definitely the most amazing man i know, that is for sure.
i don't know how he does it, he makes me feel so lazy, the way he works so hard.
and it's all for us, his kids, his offspring.

today he cried again, as a result of me.
he told me we are so close, don't i remember all the things we used to do together, how he would take care of me.
'linnae, i cleaned your diapers, man! don't you remember?'
'yes dad, i remember, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to hurt your feelings, i'm really sorry...'
'i was not going to talk to you, linnae, i was not going to talk to you.'
'i'm sorry dad, really, i'm so sorry.'

it sucks that sometimes you have to call a person just so that you can get the verbal abuse you deserve.

well well well.
i'm going to london in a little while... about a week.
i cannot wait.
but at the same time, i am, of course, incredibly stressed.

i have about... 5 very important things that need to happen before i go on this trip:

1. send transcripts from occ/ivc to uci to ensure that i can actually go there next semester. (june 8th)
   
2. find my FUCKING passport! scratch that, my DAD needs to find my passport that he took from me, for... 'safe keeping' (june 13th... FUCK)
   
3. pack my shit in storage for an entire month (june 12th)
   
4. play the church show on friday (june12th)
5. find money to survive in london for a month (june 12th)
   (see find)
6. attend my brothers UCLA graduation the day i leave for london (june 13th)

see, i wrote 3 to begin with, then i realized... that i have actually more. then i wrote 5, thinking, no i'll just do 5, i know it's probably 5.
but no, it is 6.
it is 6.

anyway i plan to post things in here, lot of things in here. i want to post pictures, and websites, and you know... shit like that. shit that i love.

anyway, i'm in san diego to celebrate my mom's 50th birthday.
she's taking me on a shopping spree and we're going to get our hair did.
get our nails did.
i am excited, but, more concerned for my sanity than anything else, i would say. my sanity is at jeapordy here more than anything else.

i'm planning to dye my hair lighter tomorrow.
we'll see how that works out.
i'll either look really hot,
really bad,
or exactly the same as i do right now with multicolored hair.

wish me luck.