i have problems that god only knows.
moby said it right, and now i am having problems solving problems.
resolving how i feel with others. i have learned to avoid them.
has this made me a good friend? not in the least.
i've felt numb for a while now, these feeling seem too much right now, too overwhelming.
one day i wish to be so much more than even i thought.
but the way things are now, it seems improbable, impossible, embarrassing. i am none of these things, which makes being human hard... harder than it has ever seemed before.


maybe it's time, maybe it's time we call it quits. i mean, it's not even really fun anymore. everyone says what an asshole i'm dating, how he's so rude to all my friends... tonight he kissed on of my friends, it was all planned, but i never agreed. that's the thing, it's like nothing i say matters. i'm not important enough to actually listen to. that's the only problem. everything i say is entering in one ear and exiting, immediately out the other. my breath is wasted on someone who does not give a fuck.
why do i give him such power in my life. do i not have any control.
i sleep on the couch bed because i like him so much, instead of my incredibly comfortable bed which i inherited from my beloved brother. it's all mine and i don't even get to use it. how disappointing.
there's so much i wish i could change about my life. is this where it changes, for the better. i mean it could be SO much worse, but this is about all i can handle right now. why cant this be enough. why cant i be happy? ever?
no one can make me happy but me.
how sad... i rarely make myself happy...


ahh well, let's just keep trying, right? keep on trying.