And with it came the light.

Alright that's IT!!
I'm going to stop being a chicken and just WRITE.
SO HELLO. i hope you feel I am being forceful, as that is what I intend to imply.
Why am I chicken? Well that's none of your goddamn business, nosey!!
Life right now... I must say, is not at all bad. I just got my macbook pro in the mail on friday. in the shower when it arrived, got out and saw the package leaning against my door. I feel bad making all those weird noises whenever I get a package in the mail. Like, 'GAHHHHH!!! YAAHHH!!! WOOOAAHHH!' something like that.
I couldn't even wait to dry off/put clothes on. I just ripped opened the package and started setting it up. It felt so weird. this awesome piece of machinery belongs to ME! I get to put my name in it's system, I get to fuck it up with music downloads and unstable sites. Yay!!

Most importantly, I have no any excuse not to be putting out new music. So as much as I've been looking forward to getting this thing, I've also been dreading it. From here on out, it's all hard work. Dang it. But yay :D
So Friday I got the puter... on the same day Barbara asked me if I would play at the Lab for the Artery Art Opening on December 4th.... and today I had a jam sesh with Mr. Jones. Got Adam on the bandwagon for the show as well. Tried to records a little today in between the jamming and going to the Blank Tapes show in Laguna, but realized it's a little hard to record when I don't have headphones so that ended abruptly. However, when we met up with Ben before the show I told him about wanting to record and gee golly, that guy gave me a pair of headphones, a mic and a mic cord to hook up to my interface. Love that guy.  Seriously, best guy ever.

SO. tomorrow, after my 10 to 5, I'm probably going to be held-up in my room blowing shit up. On my compy. I'm still testing this thing out though. Seeing how it does with my huge amount of photo downloads right now.
Awesome. This thing is awesome. It may take a little getting to know, a little feeling up, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. I just keep accidentally enlarging and shrinking the screen occasionally.

BUT, I am officially, a mac user.
And I officially have no excuse. So. Anyone wanna jam?? Hit me UP.

On a different note (sort of), it's no fun having to wear work clothes all week long. It sucks. There's barely any room for personal expression. Although, I must say, I love my job(s). I love all the people I'm meeting everyday. Making connections with people, but if I don't think it's genuine, I don't bother. Let's not waste each others time, right?

Oh my, Mother's. It's awesome. I love the people I work with. Everyday is an adventure. I mean, it's work, but at the same time, seeing these people every week, whether we'd like to admit it or not, we're growing together, we're learning together. We experience the same atmospheres, the same ambiance in the same place.... basically wearing the same clothes. How can we not be connected? I feel it.
Kean is the same. I feel like we really try to hold onto our difference from other workplaces there. We don't let the fact that we're at work effect our personalities. What really makes that work is that Keanians (as I like to call them) are all very personable. I mean seriously though, check out our ratings on yelp.com. We get a 4.5/5 stars with 255 voters. That's fucking great. And personalized latte art on every hot cup (with foam of course), I mean honestly, I'm not being bias, we're awesome. But we don't have overstuffed chair(s), I don't know why you lie so. Yelpers should ALMOST never be trusted. They tell people we have big couches and overstuffed chairs... really? Where are they? We have one couch. And you weren't the first to sit there. Just sayin.
Alright well! On that positive note, I'm off. We've had enough.

Next time  I post, I almost promise a video.... probably not though but hey, crazier things have happened.

p.s. just finished Factotum, wishing I had read more slowly as it was amazing and I would have liked to savor his genius, but people were giving me funny looks. I guess I don't look like your typical Bukowski reader, but what do 'those people' look like anyway??
Anyway, I need a new book now so I'm open to suggestions.

Justice of the Universe

I haven't been writing when I've wanted to because now that I know others can read this, I've had the idea that I have to write something for others to read.
But this isn't about you, for once, you asshole. This is about me.
And it doesn't benefit me to keep a blog for the sole purpose of entertaining others.

So I'm just going to write as I have before... before I went public.
Candid, organic and most probably boring to everyone except myself.
But again, this is about me, so it doesn't matter if others are entertained.

I was thinking today about how some things never go the way you plan them... I mean not exactly.
I used to get really annoyed by that concept, it used to make me so frustrated. Like, why the FUCK did I specifically plan this shit out moment by moment, if you (speaking to the universe now) are going to go and fuck EVERYTHING up?!
That's how I feel now. This Wednesday my roommate, my friend and I had a big road trip planned to SF. We were going to pop on over to Big Sur, make our way to Santa Cruz, hang at the Mystery Spot for a minute and MOST IMPORTANTLY visit my sister,. It's all gone to shit now. Everything saved and planned was in vain (why do people use that phrase? shouldn't the response to that be: it was always in vain to begin with?). There's no point in even talking about it anymore, I should just pretend it was never planned because it's not happening.
However, I now have 5 4 days off from work with nothing planned and the same fervor I've had to leave this godforsaken hell of a town for just a brief moment of time.
Another thing I learned from this happening so much in my life is exactly this; when one door closes, another door opens. Everything evens itself out. That's how the world works. If you want to look at a plan taking a turn as a negative thing, that's exactly what it will be, negative. Which is how I was looking at it but I'm making up my mind to be excited about what else this could mean. I have no idea what new opportunities will be laid in my path now and THAT, my friends, is exciting.
I still need to get the fuck out of this place in the near future for my own sanity* at some point. It's not a joke, this place is a whirling pool of doom and destruction. But if you go up for some fresh air and sunlight, you can live survive under the thick cloak of  Chanel perfume and weed haze that covers OC, for a while longer. So that's what I'll do.

I'm working 10 11 days in a row this... I don't even know what to call it, it's just going to be 11 days straight. I'm at day 9 tomorrow. Now that's an accomplishment. Not that I didn't do that while I was in San Diego, but this is so much more than that, I love it. I love growing up, I love becoming more responsible and getting more wisdom as each day passes. I always knew I would love to grow up.
I don't love to work 11 days in a row, but it means I'll have money for rent, bills, gas, food, and maybe this month I'll even buy myself something new... like from a regular store. Like, you know, not from Goodwill or Salvation or even Crossroads. Maybe I'll stroll right into Banana Republic and buy myself some new pants.
I mean... the only thing I can justify buying new right now is work pants AND festival tickets (HEY, so sue me! I'm a musician!)... but ya know what!? Fuck it! Caution to the wind! Maybe I'll even get a new work shirt too! hahahaha. I love that my life is all about working right now. Cause that means as soon as Takuji gets back, I can allow myself to be fully submersed in music and we can get this album out of our souls and into others, because I'll have money saved up and I wont be living on free leftover food from Mothers. Yayy!


Alright well. If you made it through...... I have nothing for you.

*many OC'ers don't understand this concept 'the bubble' is not a myth people!!

EDIT:: It seems people have been reading this blog incorrectly so I have taken the time to change the wording to make the post more understandable. Here we go again people!!

alright... i'll post something.

i have been feeling a lack of connection... with everyone.
i don't know how to regain that connection.


my band, rae nae & the badger, doesn't exist anymore due to... complications(see: Se-June Park got a girlfriend and therefore became a total PRICK who was no fun to be around and lost all his friends and for some reason whatever talent we though he had, and had his entire focus become a girl. not that we didn't think that would happen, we just never thought it would be to that degree. the girl herself had nothing to do with the break-up of the band and we all knew that already though I didn't think it had to be said, obviously it does).
it's not a big deal, i just... i want to keep making music and i haven't been able to even look at to guitar out of it's case. i even found the cord to the keyboard. there's NO reason for me not to be playing.
or writing... or singing, for that matter.

i guess i'm a bit depressed.
i lost my best friend to a girl (suprisa suprisa! who didn't see that coming?!), my sister has moved out of town, and life in general has been in a downward spiral. where's the hope?
 i WILL be fine. and i know that... somewhere inside i DO know that. but it's getting harder and harder to hold onto that idea... when it's taking SO.LONG.
but that's the thing about life... with time, comes change.
i just have to be patient, wait out the bad stuff, and TRY to progress, otherwise nothing will happen. i keep WAITING for something to come to me. i keep waiting and waiting and waiting for something to get me up in the morning besides work. in the last 3 months, i've made up stuff to keep me getting up... and i'm running out. i'm running out of stuff to keep me loving my life.
which can only mean, it's time to start again... to crawl out of hiding and do what i love: sing, write, make music.
it's alright if i'm alone... people make music alone all the time. i KNOW i can do it.
i just wish i had something... to keep me going. something to keep me going.

I am in London right now, on tour with Make Moon, formerly Dolphin City of Newport Beach, California.

So this is London.
I have good things to report, as well as bad.
One of the things I am having a hard time getting over, are the streets. The streets are SO DIRTY I can hardly believe it. When I walk down the street and the wind blows, I'm afraid that if I'm talking, trash will fly into my mouth. I must say, I have never had this fear before, so I know that I have never been anywhere that has this much trash on the ground.
However, the night life here, is awesome! People drink till 6 am, and stumble home on public transport, stopping at the local chip shops for food to soak up the liquor that's sloshing around inside their bellies. At night, people are friendly as the goal is the same, get WASTED and try to make it home.

This is one crazy town.

Love. It.

I'm finishing this almost a year later, but I figure better late than never!

i think it's time i try this thing out again.
i think it could do me well, and i love to write for fun, so why not, really?
today i had work, again. boring ole work.
i still work at barnes and noble, making perfect lattes for the ungrateful and the unworthy.
i heard kean coffee in Newport Beach is hiring, and i think it might be beneficial to try for a job there.
at LEAST they get tips, right? that would help on a day to day basis and give me actual incentive to attend my job on a regular basis. cause right now, the pay is not even CLOSE to worth it for me.

um... what else did i want to mention... i felt like i had so much to say, now i am speechless... or write... less....
oh man. so i need to work on my lyrics... how can i do that? use big complicated words then rhyme them with things that don't rhyme? i mean, so far that's what it seems like all the other 'serious' musicians are doing.
i mean, it may not seem very cool to write simple, straightforward lyrics, but that's what i do, yo. i can't help it.
my lyrics are sweet and innocent and simple. i like them that way, but i don't think others do. and it doesn't really sound as amazing as it could sound, which i think is my only problem with it.
i mean, i want OTHER serious musicians to see me as a 'serious' musician...
is that so wrong?
it's hard to be friends with a bunch of those types and not have them take you seriously or not believe in you when you think they are amazing. and maybe they're NOT so amazing after all. maybe you're just a really amazingly awesome friend who thinks they're amazing, therefore they seem amazing.
but no, i'm just kidding, all my friends actually ARE amazing at music.

so that's my plan, to work on my lyrics and if they don't workout the way i want them too, fuck it. my regular lyrics aren't that bad by themselves anyway. i can't wait till someone believes in my music in a whole big way.


well, i am going to workout right now, improving for the better when there is nothing else to do.