does the whole... being bitter thing ever work for anyone? ever?
i mean, i'm just wondering.
i've been trying. i've been trying to be a positive lady, but it's been really hard.
tonight it was hard. tonight it was hard to put on the face. the face of invincibility.
it's not so bad to pretend to be happy when i'm very upset. it only eats at my soul a little bit, not too much.
anyway, i don't really want to write anymore.
i need to talk to someone, but there isn't really anyone...
but i guess i don't really mind. things lately have been less than exciting. i am less than excited about the future. I used to be so excited, so down to see what was to come.

i feel like i'm in one of those super obscure indie movies with a totally ambiguous plot and the story just seems to have no point. there are small ups, there are small downs, but for the most part, it is a life that is unnoticed.
it's hard to take accept that you may not be very important to any person inparticular. that there is no one who cares exactly where you are when you lie your head down at night.
and at the same time, who is that person from my end... my sister? but she's under other people's protection, not mine anymore.
but i'm ok.
i guess i'm ok.

i have to be ok right? cause life will go on, and life is short, and we all time it for granted and all that other stuff they tell you to make you feel better about a dull life.
alrighty,

here we go, whether we like it or not, better make the best of it.