just let go.

"there's this little strand of thought that i cannot seem to get out of my head. and i want it out.
like now.
i just dont care anymore or i dont want to care or there's no point and yet, i still do.
and there's no distraction. and there's no other attraction.
and i just rhymed. how perfect.

and when i think there's someone, something, anything to take my mind off this little strand, it somehow is connected to that strand. it's all connected. and if it's not, i'll make a connection, somehow. i'll weave some strands together and make it a big blanket made all from one strand. and it's now a ridiculously long strand and you can never find the end cause every other strand attatches itself to the end.
and i keep pulling and pulling at the strand, and i dont know what to do with all this excess.

so i'm trying to transpose it. to shape the strand into curving letters and punctuations so that there's some kind of meaning behind all that strand. and it just never seems to turn out. the words are always and the meanings get tangled in a web of cliches. and the rhymes are weak and airy.


and there are just never enough words. for the ever lengthening strand. "

and then i wrote this.
and then i was dumb.


so that was my random rant for the day.  so... yeah.
so i keep thinking more and more about leaving. and where i'd go, and if i'd want to go so far. and yeah, i do. i just want to get out of here. but the thing is, i dont know how i could do that to my family and friends. everytime i leave something bad happens. i mean, i know it's inevitable, but... i just dont know if they can do it without me.
does that sound coincided?
you know now that i think of it, it might just be that i dont know if i can handle it without them. my dad's always been at least 30 miles within distance of me, and i seem to need him on a daily basis. and my sister, she's always a phone call away, but even not seeing her for this two weeks or however long it's been is just sad. brooklynn is included in that. god knows you cannot talk to her on the phone, she gets distracted.. plus, for some reason i dont have the same influence over the phone as i do in person.
and anyway. again no time for feelings.
it's time for sleep.



i dont want to sit here listening anymore. it's my turn. you listen.