if you're not happy with your life, there's no point pretending. everyone can see through the facade. just so you know.
i tried it, and it really didn't work.
as much as you pretend and you fake it, if you're not happy, you're just not happy.
i didn't intend to share this much on such a public profile, but i ended up doing it anyway. so oh well.
i am dissatisfied with life's potential options. i do not agree, i do not wish to comply. and therefore, i will not comply and waste my life.

life is what you make it, so make it fucking amazing.


otherwise, honestly, what is the point?

too little too late.

the title doesn't really mean anything, it's just something i was thinking.
randomly.
so life has been pretty regular. which, believe me, i am not complaining about.
though...
i do wish things were just a bit more exciting.
this weekend should be pretty stoke-enabling, hehe.
i love that you can pretty much make up words as long as you throw a little '-' in there. like remember-able. hehe. i dunno why you wouldn't just say memorable... but still, if you wanted, you could do that.
um... i don't really have anything to write about...
oh!
so this weekend should be pretty fun. kenny wants to head down to san diego for at least part of the weekend, so i'm stoked. i think maybe ben and sj are coming? i dunno for sure.
i have work on sunday but who cares, hehe. i don't. they need to pay me more. i work so hard. but apparently i'm up for a promotion. 'shift leader'. which would be actually really cool, just cause i'd be the the only one, and the cafe manager would be new, so it's basically everyone coming to me when they have questions.
but they do that anyway. which is why i should have more money. hhaha.

well i've got work. same ole same ole.
the drone.
me.

times to decide

i feel like laying low for a while.
this week i have been trying so hard, doing everything i'm supposed to.
and now, as good as i felt, i'm tired. i'm tired of trying SO hard.
other people can try now if they want. i'm passing the torch. everyone, give me a break for a while, yeah? let me sleep, let me work-out and work... oh yah and sleep.

i think i want to leave orange county. i think it's finally time. there is just no progress for me here. i have nothing really here for me anymore besides the people around me. but lately i've felt like i need something more, something that seems so hard to get here. i am constantly debating whether to move across the country, or to move an hour away. wherever i am it'll be completely different than where i am here. and i think that's what i want. i certainly think, but i dunno for sure.
i think i'll have to think about it. a lot. a lot a lot a lot. 
goodbye relaxation.

i feel like turning 21 has changed everything.
i can get the job i want, i can go to the places i want to go and hang out with the people who once seemed so elusive. psh... what a joke that is.
it's about 3 in the morning, and i am exhausted. shauntis is over, breanna is passed out in our room and yasmine and ben are sharing a room again too.
i had so much fun tonight. i mean, it was a little slow to get started, but once it did, it was pretty amazing. even better than last night!
so the day started out with lunch @ my work on me with shauntis and breanna, then we headed to kenny's to do god knows what.
while we were there se-june, ben, tina and vanessa all showed up. we were at kenny's MANSION along with some strange young people we had no interest in getting to know. call it elitist, i call it... we're just much older than a bunch of high schoolers, i can't help it if i care so little of their existence, as they care little for mine.
so then alli came and we escaped to forever 21 where we shopped for a little while before rushing back to kenny's so that shauntis and alli could go to alli's family dinner. i headed over to se-june's myself cause he promised me some of that amazing spicy chicken thing his mom made last time, so i basically had dinner with ben and se-june. i love them. great birthday dinner.
then i left, told ben i'd get them something to drink if they wanted so  i got some shit for them to party with.
got ready, left for kenny's. get there. immediately was offered a drink... got a massage from a magical chair and waited for the arrival of shauntis and alli.
when they finally got there we lagged for about...... i dunno... what seemed like forever, till we finally left! yay!!! bar time!!
i really had been wanting to go to this place called rudy's, but i guess kenny didn't want to wait in the line so we went to some place called the 'district'? i dunno. we had to wait in line for a while but then some guy came up to us and let us in the back door. kenny was a dumb and totally forgot his id so he had to go BACK to his house to get it, but the girls and i just had a few shots and 'kicked it', as they say (i'm hip!)
anyway we all got humped on a little by various guys. one guy told me his friend was a model. doubt it. but whatever it was awesome. i had an amazing time.
picked up my drunk sister and headed home. where i am finally able to rest. we'll see if i go out drinking anytime soon, ever again. i mean, it's fun... but c'mon ya'll... c'mon....

It's my BIRTHDAY!!!!

it's my burfday, it's my burfday, i'm gunna party cause it's my freak BIRTHDAY BITCHES!!!! i'm stoked.

sandwiches for breakfasts

i'm listening to the metric station on pandora radio (GREAT THING IF YOU HAVE NOT DISCOVERED IT). and then 'April 29th, 1992' by sublime came on...

i love pandora radio, but maybe they're stretching it a bit, no?
i hate it even more when because it's a female artist, or singer, they ONLY play other female artists. how annoying is that?
so have you ever tried an asian pear? they are like, half apple, half pear.
i LOVE them, which is funny, because i really dislike red apples with those stupid impossible thick skins. and i really dislike pears cause they get old so quickly and feel dry on the inside.
but the asian pear is the perfect combination of the two. it's really juicy, the skin is easily broken with teeth, and it's fun to eat cause it's not too sweet.
so, my birthday is tomorow. and how ironic 'Free to Stay' by smoosh is on...'today, pretty soon it'll be tomorrow...'
it's true. in only... well i don't want to count the hours, but yes, i was born almost exactly 24 hours and 21 years ago.
my dad figured out that this is my real birth anniversary. i seriously cannot wait, ya'll.
actually... to be honest, i can wait. i mean... don't tell anyone, but i am as much apprehensive about turning 21 as i am excited.

it's a lot of pressure. i am the 1st of my closer friends to turn 21. but i drink so little. the being driven by slightly intoxicated under agers to the liquor store @ 1 am really doesn't sound that appealing to me. call me crazy.
but yeah...

good morning friends.
it's now almost 6:50am.
that's right, am.

i work @ 8 today at barnes and noble cafe, where they pay me little to do my best. nothing against the company, really, i mean they're losing serious money. people try to cheat them everyday and as an effect, they've had to change multiple reasonably policies to completely outrageous ones. like, if someone takes a book from the store then they come to the cafe to return, then they want to use ALL the 50 bucks from the book to buy food from cafe.
sending me and only one other cafe working scrambling to get a bag big enough so that the person isn't carrying around 12 tiny bags full of stale red velvet cake and mushy panini's.
boy, can't wait for work.

but it's alright. the best days start out with the best breakfast.
today for breakfast i just had a blt with turkey bacon, fresh butter leaf lettuce, on the "vine", ripe tomatoes on whole wheat.
yum yum. i'm jealous of myself... that's how good it was.

so my birthday is officially in two days. April 3rd. i was born @ 6:32am in the Scripps Hospital in San Diego, CA. not that interesting. i haven't moved very far from my first touching on earth.
too bad. i had such plans.
i planned to be far away... very far away. like japan. or... africa. i dunno... it was far. it was supposed to be so far.
i have moved up the stream... to orange county. and my next stop was supposed to be la....
next i'm guessing i would have wanted to explore life in washington, or canada even. not that i don't want to do those things. i would love to go to washington and canada. i just wanted to be brave enough to leave everything behind.

well i should probably leave soon. i have to go work 8 hours at the slave factory. hehe. i know i shouldn't use references like that, but it's just so... hard not to. :)


plus it's way funnier to use those references.

i cut and dyed my hair.

Yes, that is me, right there, on the right hand side. the one with the black short hair. i dunno what to think about it right now, but i guess it's aight for now.
i think it's something very good. i think it's going to be something i am very happy about. my birthday is coming and i want to look amazing on the night.
what should i freaking DO!? i've had NO time to think about it.
i guess i'll look it up before i pass out, right? it's only 12:40am, that's plenty of time.
i need sleep eventually.

i guess i'm planning the party... which i don't mind doing, it's just not my thing. if it's up to me, i would just go to bars with everyone who is 21. that's the thing, it's going to be fun for me no matter what because i'm turning 21, and i get to drink the whole night if i want! i mean it's more about what my friends who are not yet 21 want to do.
like these little buddies in the picture above. that lovely lady is my roommate and sista from another mista, yasmine. that spiffy dressed kid next to me is one of my best, se-june. they are the loves of my life... though we are missing my beloved breanna.

anyway, it's getting late, and i guess i have a little party to plan?

one more pic.

oh, i do believe. :)

I have decided that being single when i turn 21 is going to be one of the most awesome things in the world.  i think it'll be good, it'll be nice.

i suddenly have had a really positive attitude about my upcoming birthday. before i was a little disappointed that it wasn't going to be the big hurrah i thought a 21st should be.
but, this weekend i jacuzzi-ed with some awesome people. you know how you meet someone and you feel some weird connection with them? like, geeze, this person is so awesome, i cannot wait to be friends with them. i met a really cool gal that is 21 and just HAPPENS to be in town the same weekend of my birthday, and since we got along so well, she and my other amazing friend, shauntis, are going to come and help me celebrate my 21st the RIGHT way. in bars and dancing the night away in clubs.
i am STOKED, to say the least.

it was just pure luck that i went to the jacuzzi that night and shauntis invited me to share in her night.
that night was awesome. it was me and three other girls, and shauntis, being the always gracious hostess that she is, had champagne, chocolate, and strawberries for us all to indulge in, while we sat in the jacuzzi and soothed ourselves in it's steaming water.
and we talked for hours, about life, about ex's, about new guys, about sex, and love, and life and school, and getting 'big girl' jobs. it was just what i needed after an 'interesting' easter with my mother.

and, i saw a shooting star. a huge, illuminated ball of light slowly making it's way to earth, just out of view of the girls i was with. and it felt... special, like it was a sign of change. is that stupid? i don't think so. i believe in signs... some signs. and this was for sure a sign.


a good one. ;)

i am PISSED.
i cannot wait to get home.

life has been so complicated recently.
sometimes i wonder why it has to be do confusing.
why cant the people we like, like us back, and the things we hate, disappear. i mean, would it really be SO bad if we got what we wished for at least some of the time? if we got the pony, or the boy did actually ask us to prom, or we got into the college of our dreams even though it seemed so impossible.
and i'm not going to lie, sometimes, things turn out just the way i want them to. and i'm never grateful, i'm just confused. and a little upset. why, when i don't really care about the true outcome can my wishes come true and when i REALLY REALLY care it doesn't even come close to what i'd like to occur.
there are people i have known in my past that i would have liked to have known forever, and i know few of them now. people from my past who i have loved as people and they are the ones i have absolutely no chance of knowing again.
 it's ok, i guess, it's just so disappointing at the same time. cause i actually miss those people... genuinely, as who they were, i miss them.
though i am so grateful for the people i know now, also.
tonight i had two very important conversations with two very important people in my life. and they have taken me so well.
sometimes i don't get that either. what is it that we all share that can make us understand each other in that way? we are all so completely different. do they even know how interesting that is?

i wish more of my friends had blogs like this. i feel like it's putting a lot out there for people to see. and i want my friends to have some way that i could literally read about their lives. i mean we're all so different that we sometimes have a hard time understanding each other... sometimes things get misconstrued, things get twisted out of focus.
i feel like a journal could help to clarify. that's why i am so FOR journalism. sometimes words from the mouth cannot say words from the mind and the heart. sometimes it has to physically leave the body in a more concrete manner, otherwise, things one says can just floating in the space, completely unstable in meaning.
 
i'm a bit... 'tired'
it's a friday night and i'm almost 21... so sue me. i'm a big girl.
heheh. :)

life is about living, and that ain't no lie.
don't try to take that from me.

My Wonderfully Amazing, 21st B-Day

Well well well...
my 21st birthday is EXACTLY 2 weeks away. and i am absolutely STOKED!!!!!
i mean, not that i have plans to do ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!
GAH!
I mean, what am i supposed to do? ALL my friends are under 21! I am the 1st in my class of 21-year-olds!
Ok, i KNOW it seems like it might be awesome, but it's not. It's like not even turning 21 at all.

But when my buddy Tinster Cocco FINALLY turns 21 on March 20th, i will jump for joy as we stumble in and out of shady bars and nightclubs together. our plan is to walk into a bar, and confidently ask for 'cham-PAG-nay'... and we plan to get it.
HOW CAN THEY DENY US?! we'll be 21!!!

well i'm in. i don't care what you guys say.
I think i will look things up... within the next two weeks. maybe i'll ask around too. What's something REALLY amazingly fun to do, when your friends are all little under-aged babies?!!?!?!?


not that i don't love them. they are wonderful, all my little babies... but they are so very young...

BUT when TINA my LOVE FINALLY TURNS 21!!!!!!, we have a wonderful plan to go to LAS VEGAS where out lovely friend Tony DeLaCruz is HOPEFULLY going to get us into a little club, i'm sure you've heard of it...
PURE?!


can you say, VIP Lounge?
I can ;)

i think it's time i try this thing out again.
i think it could do me well, and i love to write for fun, so why not, really?
today i had work, again. boring ole work.
i still work at barnes and noble, making perfect lattes for the ungrateful and the unworthy.
i heard kean coffee in Newport Beach is hiring, and i think it might be beneficial to try for a job there.
at LEAST they get tips, right? that would help on a day to day basis and give me actual incentive to attend my job on a regular basis. cause right now, the pay is not even CLOSE to worth it for me.

um... what else did i want to mention... i felt like i had so much to say, now i am speechless... or write... less....
oh man. so i need to work on my lyrics... how can i do that? use big complicated words then rhyme them with things that don't rhyme? i mean, so far that's what it seems like all the other 'serious' musicians are doing.
i mean, it may not seem very cool to write simple, straightforward lyrics, but that's what i do, yo. i can't help it.
my lyrics are sweet and innocent and simple. i like them that way, but i don't think others do. and it doesn't really sound as amazing as it could sound, which i think is my only problem with it.
i mean, i want OTHER serious musicians to see me as a 'serious' musician...
is that so wrong?
it's hard to be friends with a bunch of those types and not have them take you seriously or not believe in you when you think they are amazing. and maybe they're NOT so amazing after all. maybe you're just a really amazingly awesome friend who thinks they're amazing, therefore they seem amazing.
but no, i'm just kidding, all my friends actually ARE amazing at music.

so that's my plan, to work on my lyrics and if they don't workout the way i want them too, fuck it. my regular lyrics aren't that bad by themselves anyway. i can't wait till someone believes in my music in a whole big way.


well, i am going to workout right now, improving for the better when there is nothing else to do.

wow... it's been a while

so... I don't know. life's been busy. eventful some might even say. anyway i've got no computer now, so I'm typing from a treo.
lucky me.
well, I live with yasmine now, an eccentric small lady/girl who recently suffered an injury in the knee area which now forces me to chauffeur.
but I actually don't mind. it's been an even trade, it's nice to have that kind of balance.
anyway we live across the street from occ, literally, and we basically just have parties all the time, and I work.
oh yeah... I work @ barnes n noble, in the cafe. it's nice. i'm glad I work there, but no tips, so i'm thinking of getting a second job for the winter break. I could use the extra cash.
so yeah. that's about all... I hope i'll be able to write more often. dad says my computer will be ready tomorrow... but dad says a lot of things. we'll believe it when we see it father.
right.
well... it's boring. if you think so don't read it, bitch. no one's forcing you.
night.

just let go.

"there's this little strand of thought that i cannot seem to get out of my head. and i want it out.
like now.
i just dont care anymore or i dont want to care or there's no point and yet, i still do.
and there's no distraction. and there's no other attraction.
and i just rhymed. how perfect.

and when i think there's someone, something, anything to take my mind off this little strand, it somehow is connected to that strand. it's all connected. and if it's not, i'll make a connection, somehow. i'll weave some strands together and make it a big blanket made all from one strand. and it's now a ridiculously long strand and you can never find the end cause every other strand attatches itself to the end.
and i keep pulling and pulling at the strand, and i dont know what to do with all this excess.

so i'm trying to transpose it. to shape the strand into curving letters and punctuations so that there's some kind of meaning behind all that strand. and it just never seems to turn out. the words are always and the meanings get tangled in a web of cliches. and the rhymes are weak and airy.


and there are just never enough words. for the ever lengthening strand. "

and then i wrote this.
and then i was dumb.


so that was my random rant for the day.  so... yeah.
so i keep thinking more and more about leaving. and where i'd go, and if i'd want to go so far. and yeah, i do. i just want to get out of here. but the thing is, i dont know how i could do that to my family and friends. everytime i leave something bad happens. i mean, i know it's inevitable, but... i just dont know if they can do it without me.
does that sound coincided?
you know now that i think of it, it might just be that i dont know if i can handle it without them. my dad's always been at least 30 miles within distance of me, and i seem to need him on a daily basis. and my sister, she's always a phone call away, but even not seeing her for this two weeks or however long it's been is just sad. brooklynn is included in that. god knows you cannot talk to her on the phone, she gets distracted.. plus, for some reason i dont have the same influence over the phone as i do in person.
and anyway. again no time for feelings.
it's time for sleep.



i dont want to sit here listening anymore. it's my turn. you listen.

yawn.

i am sleepy. this has been a LONG freakin weekin (haha, i rhymed).
so, let's uh... let's take a little gander at what happened, k?
i will attempt to be as brief as possible.
thrusday: tigerheat in l.a. with yasmine, tina, randy and my newest gay lover Jeramiah. drinking occured. yasmine danced on those big boxes above the crowd with various gay men and one random girl. looked away from her for what seemed like a second, she disappeared (@ this point she had no ability to control her actions, but i was unaware of the severity of the situation at this time). searched for her for about 10 minutes. found her sitting on another box thing, surrounded by gay men all looking concerned. they asked if i was her friend, told me she fell off the box and someone fell on top of her. she'd hit her head. she didn't recognize me... "i cant find any of my friends..." on her cell, probably trying to call me. thought it might be a good idea to take her to the bathroom. soon discovered she couldn't walk. a guard followed us to the bathroom. send in some woman to come kick her out. i asked them to wait with her outside while i got my friends (i wasn't getting kicked out). took me a while to find tina and the gang. finally found them. some of us left. tina and i took yasmine to del to get her some water and maybe sober her up a bit. she threw up in del... on tina, hehe. more throwing up outside. cops drove by as the puking continued. we drove home, me holding both a puke bag and bobbing head with my injured wrist. yasmine fell asleep with no puke left. tina and i took showers. then sleep.

friday: george's suprise party. basically cheese pizza. a drink that seemed to be the drink of the night, but i dont even want to attempt a spelling (it's pronounced yay-ger? [isn't it just jager?] and some red bull?). then it involved some dancing... LOTS of dancing to music i don't necessarily consider amazing. but anyway, then followed a LOT of crying by tina and candice. candice started it, but then tina continued it. for at least 2 hours.
i didn't notice at first, then i did, and i figured they just needed some time alone, but then i realized they were drunk and probably very confused as to why they couldn't stop crying, soi seculuded them and they stopped within 10 minutes. then candice returned to the party, perfectly fine. then tina started crying some more about other things. then she used the phone a lot. then she stopped crying finally. then she came down also, smiling and happen. then a some other stuff happened that isn't really interesting to me... gay men hooking up, nakedness and whatever, haha. then sleep. then 6 am awakening, driving to l.a.

saturday: sleeping till 12pm once we where back in l.a. tina left. tina came back for lunch. pb and j. and animal crackers for me.tina left. tina came back. jeramiah, tina and i went to find ruele in some area i cant remember. it wasn't open yet. came home. tina left to get jordan. jeramiah and i got pizza and watched a lifetime movie till tina and jordan came back. left the house to go to bang. didn't get in cause jordan was wearing shorts. drove to denny's. didn't eat. dropped off jeramiah at the dorms. jordan, tina and i went to clairmont. slept.

sunday: met a new person named dillon. went to the park. met up with sebastian. went to the taco factory. went to kiwiberry or something (they actually have really good fat-free green tea flavored yogurty stuff that they add fresh fruit to that's really yummy. or mochi... they can add mochi!). then to borders. seb left. we went to jordan's. tina and i left. went to my house to get laundry. went to get boba smoothie. went to a park in irvine to take pictures. took some long exposures at dusk... not sure if that'll work. went to "the departed" with tina's mom. she got me a pretzel and a soda. i love her. it was ok i guess... i guess it was good... some holes in the story but whatever. if you're willing to overlook them i guess i will. went to tina's. did my laundry (she told me to do it there so i didnt have to go to a laundry mat, hehe.) had an uncrustable and chocolate milk. helped tina with her project while watching "shopgirl".
i love jason schwartzmann. and i dont care who knows it. he's adorible.

damn... no feelings tonight. i'm exhausted.

listen to "the same fire" by bishop allen. it's worth it. i promise.

a different perspective

you know that everyone thinks they're different. everyone. everyone thinks they're special or they're some how completely unique than anyone else in the world. and they are, but not in the way they're thinking, you know? i honestly believe that everyone has a special task or assignment if you will, that they are meant to complete, that will create a huge but discrete change in the world. i truly believe this. no one knows, but the smallest thing you do could effect so many.
that's why i try not to litter, or treat people badly, or say anything that would be offensive, or be biast, or prejudice. 
anyway!! i miss writing funny things. @ least i think they're pretty hilarious. but that's just me, i just love to crack me up, haha :)

this one's going to be a long one. i feel i've got a lot to say. the past couple of days have pretty much been suck-a-licous. no joke. pretty bad. i mean i love hanging out with yasmine, but i just feel like we're both oh so bored, and we have no outlet. and no one ever wants to do anything so we're forced to entertain ourselves. gah.
also, i haven't touched my keyboard(literally) in probably about 4 days. dont tell my dad. i just am bored with myself and my songs. i told myself that i cant write a new song till i finish those two i started, but i'm so ridiculously picky with my lyrics. if they're dumb or cliche, i just cannot leave them. i write music to express myself and i'd like to think i can do so with more of the symbolism and general emphasis than just, "i've been so sad, oh things are bad..." etc. haha.
yeah i'd never write lyrics like that. most my lyrics are about love. for everyone, mostly family, personal trials and tribulations. but i feel like they're all coming out the same. just the lyrics, not the songs. so now every time i hear a song i study it. all songs. good and bad. i see what i dont like about the bad ones, and how they differ both lyrically and structurally from songs i like.

then i begin to think i'm really thinking way way way too much. and i just want to write. i know it's in me, so why cant i just let it out?

i guess it'd help if my throat wasn't still so sore. and i cant help singing. i'll try going a couple of days without it, see if i can heal up. it wont happen, i already know that. i have to sing. it's no longer a personal choice.


it's my... lover. : )

science of sleep

the science of sleep is an amazing movie.
please. it's so.
i love it.
i cant... i just. it's so good.
it makes me want to love everyone. even the mean ones.
so speaking of dreams (sorta), i had the cutest dream last night. it was so cute. it was pretty boring though. my friends(and the cutest couple ever) ryan and vanessa, were squirting me with this... white stuff? i cant remember what it was, i think it was cleaner or bleach or something but anyway i got mad at them cause i was wearing a really cute new outfit i just got.
but even though i was annoyed, i kept laughing cause i love them. then i started walking away and they kept doing it and i kept laughing. and i kept waking up cause i was actually laughing out loud i guess? and eventually they tackled me and i fell over and kept laughing. i woke up laughing, rolled over and like... sighed cause it was so funny. i love love love dreams like that. i love them. love.
so this weekend was not so boring as i expected it to be, seeing as how every night has been fucked up.
thursday we went to ruba as usual, but it wasn't so fun, so we went home, sadly.
friday morning tina called and told me she was picking me up to go to la. i told her i didnt have a ride down from orange county and to call ryan. so i laid back down to go to sleep (shhh... dont tell her!) when ryan, called me!
ironic! so yeah.
then we picked up vanessa, and headed up. we went to tina's apartment. george was there. apparently he had gotten busy the night before with a stranger and was just now waking up at 3pm. i finally met her roommate and we kind of fell asleep at her house. then ryan came over. then candice.
then we went to in-n-out for like, an hour and a half. had a delish grilled cheese. hmmm.
tina dropped ness, ryan and i off at ryan's. we watched rushmore. amazing. gosh. really.
then josh and brett came over. we fell asleep to punch drunk love, which i can NEVER watch cause i always fall asleep!
when we woke up ryan and joe (ryan's roommate) made us mickey mouse waffles! then brett gave ryan, josh and i all massages in his new massage chair thing... which wobbles and he does a repetitive movement but is still really nice.
then we went on a BUS ADVENTURE!!! it was SO fun. honestly. try it sometime. what you do is, you pick a destination(which for us was downtown), and you get on the bus, pay 3 bucks for an all day pass, and see if you can get there! haha! ryan lead us to crazy places. we took the bus, then the subway!!!! stopped at a weird park with with a beautiful fountain and hobos. then took the subway again to some other area.
it was seriously amazing. i loved it.
i cannot wait to go back.
then today, my dad was supposed to call me, but he didnt. cause he's flaky. :(
so yasmine and i decided to work on our alter for the day of the dead which is extra credit in our women in art class.
we picked frida kahlo. i'm excited. we did paper mache. it was hard. it's still not dry.
tomorrow, i will attempt to find a job i can stand, then i'm off to the saosin/mikoto show!!!! YAY!
love em'.
love you.
love.

no answering the phone

i've never really been partial to phones, anyone that's known me for a week knows that. cause i just... dont like them. i dont like talking on the telephone. i like person to person talking. it's just... i can charm people with my witty remarks better if they can see my silly faces.
so, again, i'm broken. wrist kills, and yet, it doesn't stop me from typing and playing the keyboard. what's wrong with me. i hate myself. i must.
i stayed up till 4am last.... this morning. and woke up at 10. i turned off my alarm then closed my eyes, to just take a "rest" and ended up sleeping till 10:44am, and had to dress and pick up yasmine before dashing to class... i like that, dashing to class. it's feels nice on the tongue.
say it.
i control you.
so pb and j used to be my favorite thing in the world. now it kinda makes me sick to my stomach.
maybe it's just the vanilla soy milk...
no. it's the sandwich.
also, the peanut butter sat in my car for like a month while i was in spain and on tour. is that gross? it was closed obviously.
omg! when i came back from touring, my car had a like an intricate spider's web inside. i looked for the spider, but it seemed to not exist.
good thing i've got my trust volvo now :) i love that thing. and the stereo is insanely loud for a little ole volvo.
gosh. it makes me happy.
so does dignan . they're really good.
as well as midnight juggernauts, i wanted to keep them to myself, but since barely anyone will read this i guess it's ok to share right? i like their raised by wolves song. it's nice. makes me happy inside as well.
i've decided i'm very lucky. no matter what happens in my life. I've so privileged. i've finally escaped the country last summer, as well as been to hawaii finally, gone on tour, made a documentary (which i should eventually work on finishing). i've met so many amazing people.

and i'm thinking about going to this school in london. it's far. i know. but i want to go.
either there or new york.
ok. that's all.
also i'm still not doin too well on the lyric thing. not sure what's wrong with me. i think i'm trying too hard. for once, haha. it used to be soooo easy.
darn.

dood, eww....
i really did write something and now it's completely gone.
So this week itself wasn't extremely eventful. I had classes. missed my internship on tuesday. wednesday night i went to the worst club ever with Yasmine and Ashley but we still had an AWESOME time. really amazing. thursday... boring, cant really remember it. friday, yasmines party, left early and went ice blocking with tina, vanessa, jordan, ryan and josh. then we went to harbor house which we decided we can NEVER go to again. that lady, grace, is a BITCH. no lie to you, sir, no lie. saturday, probably the worst day of the week/month (really quite depressing), and today i fiiiiiiinally got to do my laundry! yaya!! my brother and dad came to visit, ryan took my chair away so now i have to use my laptop actually on my lap which will burn me in the legs. :(

i am BROKEN this week! i've hit my ankle my metal frame 4 times... HARD trying to get to my keyboard. omg... it really hurts to walk. then i some how really really hurt my wrist. i wanna look up carpal tunnel. cause i do work with my computer and the computers at fearless pretty much all day. plus the piano/keyboard... then there are cuts all over my legs... i wont even mention what those are from. and i have puffy tonsils and a soar throat so i haven't been able to write GOOD lyrics for that dumb song i keep changing over and over again.

sooooo yeah. gosh i'm boring. sorry. whatever, you're the one bored enough to read this. :) just kidding. i appreciate your interest/boredrum/stalkerness. i appreciate you.
goodnight and good day.